During my cancer battles, one of the most powerful urges I felt was to be competent . . . .in any way I could.  I needed to feel that the “other” parts of me still worked. As a college professor, mental activities define me.  I needed to continue to be smart, while at the same time feeling powerless and incompetent.  Is there any feeling quite like being scanned?  You are as powerless as you can be.  Thinking won’t change anything!

My sons bought me a handheld video game console to help alleviate the boredom of the long hours of chemo.  One of the games they got me was a dog training game.  Each command had to be spoken.  While I was having a great time teaching my cyber dog to “sit”, my nurse was worried.  She came into my room to ask if I was OK.  Her look was clearly worried, and then I realized why she was there.  She had heard me, alone in my room, with chemo running, saying, “Sit!  Jack, sit!”  We both laughed until tears streamed out of us.  It was a great moment of silliness in my quest to be engaged in something new and fun!!!!


Posted on September 19, 2013 .